My Fight for IMperfection

My Name is Melissa Hopely

I am a very determined and outgoing 22 year old who battles Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Although my struggles can be difficult at times, I still live everyday just the same as all of you. I'm writing this blog for the Minding Your Mind Foundation to show that even when one lives with a physical or mental illness or disorder, they can still lead a pretty normal and pretty AMAZING life. I guess my journey begins now and hope you guys will stick with me and follow my interesting, but definitely IMperfect life!

Minding Your Mind Blog: It feels so good to get things done! After having way too many ups and downs with my moods these past few weeks, I am starting to take major steps forward. Yesterday, I was the keynote at the Montgomery County Luncheon and today I worked on reports at The COAD Group, but also got to help encourage people in a small group at a mental health site in Chester County. I'm just so sick of wondering and obsessing about what will happen and comparing myself to other people. I want to make things happen instead of waiting around. I contacted a publishing company for my memoir and started writing words to the song we are creating for my documentary film. I want to go with the attitude that, "If I just finish these projects that is my success, not whether my book or doc. film make it big, but just the fact that I believed in myself, pulled through my ups and downs and did it all with a smile!"

xo Melissa

Minding Your Mind Blog: "When life knocks you down, you have the choice to get back up." O, how true this is. We all have those days, weeks and even months where we think nothing can get any worse and where you feel like your world is completely crashing down. I've felt this way for a good three weeks, but after having a long talk with my dad yesterday and after sitting here watching two people compete for their dream of winning American Idol, I think I really am at the point where I don't want to keep obsessing, focusing on and freaking out about my future. As I said before, I am where I am for a reason and have to work to help myself cope and stay happy. Today was a beautiful day, but not just because of the weather outside, but because my internal life was actually happy today. My internal life was finally okay with just being me and not striving for crazy, outrageous things and expecting so much of myself. Today was a day I finally realized, I must climb the hills before climbing the mountains in my life. What a great feeling it is.

xo Melissa

Minding Your Mind Blog: Because of the "downs" in life, I am starting to believe more and more that we really can appreciate the "ups" when they come. Well, this was a weekend where I could for sure enjoy the "ups." But, my "ups" weren't completely fabulous and off the charts, but more low key and just enjoyable. Everyday I am learning the importance of enjoying every second of life because we really do not know what will happen. You all know I have been in a slump for the past two weeks and that I was trying to do my best to positively cope and work through it. I wanted to find that "cure" that would make everything better, but I am realizing in order to get through and pursue the things I want, I must make sacrifices, while trying to enjoy those little moments in life that can make us all so happy. I really tried to enjoy those smaller moments this weekend. Friday I went to the Phillies game and then hung out with my college friends. Saturday, I shopped with my little sister, of course spending too much money, but honestly enjoyed my time with her. Later that day I had soccer game, which my team won and after the game, I got to see an old friend who I missed dearly. Today I had another soccer game and then went out to dinner with my grandparents. We went to Bertucci's and while I was in the bathroom I noticed four girls staring at me as I did my hair while looking in the mirror. I was hoping I didn't have a stain or something on my shirt, but the next thing you know the girls asked, "Are you Melissa Ann Hopely?" I answered, "yes." Well the girls went on to tell me that I spoke at their high school, Rustin in West Chester, PA and that they just wanted to say hi. Honestly, it made my day and not because these girls knew me, but because they must have taken something from my speech and been somewhat inspired to have wanted to say hi to me. I am sitting here thinking about that exact moment in the bathroom and the way it made me feel. I think that moment helped me realize something. If I can inspire and touch just one person by sharing my story, then honestly every obsession, every negative thought and every ounce of self-doubt inside of my mind is well worth it because I know I will beat them all if I keep working to help myself and pushing through all my "downs" that I know I will face in the days to come. PLEASE KEEP BELIEVING!

xo Melissa

xo Melissa

Minding Your Mind Blog: Today was a beautiful day. I got to see my good friend's new baby girl Brielle and had the chance to take her one and a half year old son to the park. The sun was shining, the birds chirping and children laughing, yet a part of me did not really feel there. For some reason, the depression inside of me, the thoughts and feelings that I won't make it were so loud and I couldn't get them out of my head. I still had a wonderful day and enjoyed the time with my friend and her beautiful children, but for some reason I can't pinpoint why I could not enjoy the small, but important moments that happened today. When one suffers from depression, they can sometimes miss out on things because although they are physically there, they may not be mentally there due to the chaos that may be going on in their mind. I know chaos in the mind happens with everyone from time to time, but I can't help but wonder how I can break out of the down I've been in. I know there are coping mechanisms I can use and positive talk, but I just really want to find that "big cure." I know I must realize that a "big cure" will not come. I am slowly realizing that things in life really do take time and a lot of work and although it is hard at times, I am willing to do my best to make myself as healthy as I can be so I can continue helping others while I help myself.

xo Melissa

Minding Your Mind Blog: I am finding out that with death can come new life, but it is not always easy to really want to believe that. This past year I have lost many people that have inspired my life in some way and it has been rough dealing with their passing because once I think about death, I start obsessing about everything and my OCD becomes 100 times worse. Some people may obsess about certain things, but the way I personally obsess can become so dangerous to my overall health. I constantly am fixated on "making a great future for myself," but continue to miss out on enjoying the present because I cannot think or feel anything else. I get horrible stomach pains to the point where I can't eat and then I miss breaths because my chest is so tight from all the worrying and wondering. Anything can happen at any given second and if I am so obsessed with my future, I am going to miss out on the small, but important things in life that I tend to take for granted. Fame and fortune is not what life is all about. I must keep telling myself that. I am already someone and need to focus on every second like it were my last. After seeing all these people pass at different ages, I am realizing that I am not invincible and must focus on the now as well as the future. Last week one of my best friends had her second child, a baby girl named Brielle. I had tears in my eyes when I saw this little bugger for the first time. I realized that this little girl could be anything she wanted to be in years to come. I realized that this little girl would learn to enjoy the little things in life and realized she would have the chance to grow, learn, mature and live every single day to her fullest. She is so innocent and has the potential to grow into an amazing human being. I am in awe with thinking that I was that young and have been through so much over the years. I am where I am now for a reason and must keep believing that. My life is a journey and one that is NOT finished. I must keep telling myself that until my last day here on earth.

xo Melissa

Minding Your Mind Blog: So, I had a rough start to my day yesterday, but after learning CBS 3 reporter Valerie Levesque wanted to interview me, my day seemed all the more better. Valerie came to my softball game and her co-worker grabbed some good shots of me playing. I felt like somewhat of a celebrity because my teammates and the other team were a little stunned when CBS showed up. The interview was in response to the recent tragic youth suicides that have been taking place across the Philadelphia area. During the 6th inning, Valerie interviewed me and asked me some important questions about the topic of suicide. I was able to share my story, share opinions on the tragedies and also express the importance of positive coping mechanisms, talking about mental health and asking for help. I really feel if this topic stays in our conversations everyday whether in the media or in our private homes, suicide will be prevented more and more because people will be okay with admitting they are indeed struggling and find the courage to speak up and ask for help. I can feel this day coming and promise to work as hard as I can to help speed it up. I will say it was an honor to be interviewed by CBS' Valerie Levesque. I will never forget how kind and caring she and the camera man were towards me. I'll let you know when the story airs!

xo Melissa

So, I've been a little down this past week. I'm trying to take steps to my future/career and am losing sight of the present because I am so obsessed with "making it." It seems I am missing "the now" and the normal life events that happen each and every day. I really want to go talk to someone soon before anything gets worse. I am doing some positive things though. I am using my positive coping mechanisms to help me pull through plus I am taking my medicine on time. Sometimes, it so hard to come out of a slump and with my not-so-normal schedule, at times it is hard to get out of bed. However, I am trying to run everyday and playing on two soccer teams and one softball team to help me cope as well. Yesterday I had two games and scored in the second one. For some reason sports lets out all the anxiety, anger and frustration building up inside of me. I hope you can find something that helps you cope with things in life. It really can make a huge difference and help you on your road to recovery or road to just enjoying your day!

xo Melissa

So I had an AMAZING day this past Monday with speaking at the MYM Forum and also doing my first press conference, but after all that excitement dies down, what happens next? I really have a hard time experiencing something so amazing and then having to go back to "real life." I usually get very depressed and dwell on what was and not what is. I am really struggling to keep up on work. I did speak three times today at Coatesville Area High School, but other than speaking, nothing much but soccer and softball are of any interest to me. I honestly have many projects I must work on, but no energy to get them done. It is even hard to get out of bed right now. I think I am going to go talk to a psychologist because I really need to talk about my concerns and all the stress I am facing. I am so scared about my future and am getting so much pressure from people about taking care of myself and figuring out what I want to do with my life. I will admit I am so afraid to fail. I feel like people expect so much out of me and I am afraid to disappoint them and myself. Every time I think of this I have to remember that I have already succeeded and remember this quote, "If you never failed, you never lived!"

xo Melissa

My big day on May 10th finally came! It was one seriously of the best days of my life. In the morning I spoke at my first press conference on anti-bullying with the Montgomery County District Attorney Risa Vetri Ferman. Every news station was there along with some newspaper reporters. I was able to share part of my story and discuss the importance of not judging others. I was so honored that Amy from Minding Your Mind had so much trust in me to represent Minding Your Mind and take part in the press conference. Later that day I had to prepare for my speaking engagement at MYM's 5th annual forum. I was nervous because I knew there would be more than 500 people watching me and also actors from "Word Theater." As the day went on I was fighting my OCD and the obsessive thoughts of failing and being told I was a horrible speaker. I had to use my positive coping mechanisms so I could be mentally prepared for that night. When the evening came, people were seated and it was time for Risa Vetri Ferman to introduce me. I got a huge rush of energy, went on stage and delivered my speech very passionately. Right when I finished, the whole crowd stood on their feet and gave me my first standing ovation. I was in tears and could not believe the impact I had on the crowd. The amazing actors from Word Theater and the Haverford Notables performed an awesome show after me and the night really could not have been better. I was able to mingle with the actors after and learned a lot about each of them. Hopefully I will keep in touch with a few of them, but I must say Monday, May 10, 2010 was one of the coolest and best days of my life!

xo Melissa

xo Melissa

Yesterday I attended the Chester County Community Support Program (CSP)'s Mental Health Spring Festival. The day started off with education on advocating for yourself, followed by lunch and then the fun really started. One of the adult mental health consumers broke out of her shell and grabbed the microphone and started singing and dancing for everyone. This was followed by flower pot painting and I got to run the table for making stress balls out of balloons and flour. Right after that I taught a few people my favorite dance, "The Cupid Shuffle." Honestly, I was having a rough week, but this day helped me see that you can still have those hardships, but take a moment to really relax and truly enjoy life. I respect every single person that was at the spring festival. To see their joy with the small things in life and to know they truly care for their well-being and the well-being of others makes me want to work harder to try and cope with the things going on in my life. Sometimes people teach us things when we least expect it, so keep your ears and eyes open and really try to enjoy the day!